LOVE OR LIKING ?

Psychologist Zick Rubin (1973) expressed some views on this issue. According to Rubin, loving and liking are considered different things. While liking contains respect and warm feelings and even more good intentions, loving brings attachment and privacy. In other words, it would not be wrong to describe loving as intense emotions experienced by people who dream not only of that moment but also of the future and look at each other for a long time. For example, we can think of two similar friends who are happy to spend time with each other. There is an obvious liking here, but the love score may not be as high as the liking score. Davis (1985) states that while love in a friendship includes feelings such as liking, accepting and respecting each other, love is more than that because love includes passion and caring along with these elements.

The similar sentence of love and liking is not wrong, on the other hand, the fine line between them is that love includes liking, but perhaps it also includes a little more intense emotions. A loving relationship can be expected to last longer, but some factors are important. The first of these is similarity. Yes, it can be stated that similarity has positive contributions to making a relationship long-lasting. If we think about two people who met in a friend environment and started to feel attracted to each other, they first understand whether they will enter a serious path with each other by talking about similar views by looking for similar aspects. Ties may not be established very tightly, as it will be difficult to compromise if one says white and the other says black.

Another factor is complementarity. While the similarity above is important, now emphasizing the differences may lead to some contradictions. Similarity plays an important role in the initial establishment phase of relationships. The individual chooses someone for the relationship by focusing on similarities. After entering the relationship, he/she looks for more complementary aspects. To give a concrete example, it is important to know at what level the issue is. It is a high abstract similarity that two people are of the same religion, the same political opinion. However, the fact that one of the same two people enjoys science fiction and the other likes drama is a tangible difference. People with a high level of similarity may be more tolerant of differences at the concrete level.

The last factor is positive interactions. In their study with married couples, Robinson and Price (1980) show that happy couples see more positive aspects, while unhappy couples pay attention only to negative aspects. If the spouses express each other's positive aspects and support each other at this point, their negative aspects gradually decrease and love can be reinforced more.

As a result, there is a fine distinction between loving and liking in relationships. The main reason for some question marks in relationships is hidden in these questions. By listening more to emotions and behaviors, we can see this distinction more clearly. In this way, the other person takes a place in our lives. After this stage, the importance of love in a relationship should be considered. What partners expect from each other and with what emotions they express these expectations are important.

REFERENCES

Cüceloğlu D. (1990), Human and Behavior

Özen Y. (2010), Love and Love Theories from Sensory Field Learning (Myths about Love), Volume: 1